...So Let's Be a Chimp !!!

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“She didn't care that people called her a b**ch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.” 

 Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Preface: This is for my very smart best friend who advised me to stop being too nice and try being a chimp for a change. I took her advice and here I am a happy girl today, already feeling light without the suffocating weight of all the unnecessary niceness.

Often aggressive, assertive women - the kind who scare some women and all men off and who take no bullsh*t – are termed as chimps and often as something else, too! Hush-hush but what's exactly wrong with that? Being a chimp could be favorable for you. Being ‘nice’ could be quite the opposite, though. Oh yeah, ask me! I have been there, done that! Not so proud of being nice anymore – I want to be a chimp!

Often when a woman voices an opinion, stands up for something, someone or herself, one word thrown at her is – chimp! Is being a chimp really that bad? Seriously, if doing all the above makes you a chimp then let's be a chimp! Shouldn’t having a voice be encouraged? Is a suppressed woman a nicer woman? We must all choose to be chimps if we wish to be happy – forget what others think!

Being nice means being easily manipulated into doing things others refuse to do! Oh, you need to send invites at the eleventh hour, go get that nice girl to do it for you! Know that niceness and manners are not mutually exclusive. Cutting the nice girl routine does not mean you become proactively mean. It's not like shoving a door on someone's face, screaming at strangers, publicly abusing people, or making them listen to Tahir Shah’s songs (that would be torturous). All that’s required is assertiveness!

Once upon a time (not too long ago), I was a really nice girl. Like super nice! (Now, I am in a transitional period of becoming a chimp! Yaayyy!) So I was that stereotypical nice, quiet and innocent girl who just wanted to be nice and liked, and who apologized all the time because she felt she was always wrong and others were always right. I would apologize even if I stood up for myself, or spoke out against something. Damn! You were nice, ATS! You lil' chimp! *a hammer blow on your back*

Anyways, eventually I found my voice, my fire. The daily frustration wore on me and I realized being a bland nice person was something akin to being a lazy hen locked up in a cage. I didn’t want to be a slothful hen; I chose to be a vivacious chimp, instead!

Being a chimp simply means I don’t want anyone’s approval! I don’t feel the need to receive validation from others. The only person’s validation I need is my own. I’m confident in who I am and what I stand for.

Friends, Romans, countrywomen, lend me your ears! People will be upset with you – get used to it. You can’t keep everyone happy all the time. Learn to say ‘no’, if that’s all your inner goddess tells you to say. And if that makes you a chimp, let it be so! Being selfless would never let you get ahead in life. I don’t care if I sound cynical here – but this is the hard truth! If putting yourself first makes you a chimp - well then congratulations — you are one strong woman…I mean a chimp!

The problem is with the way we are raised – girls are taught to be nice. Nobody tells us being nice means preparing ourselves to be doormats and letting people walk all over us for eternity. So, let’s change our fate… So, let’s be chimps!

Are you sure you’re going to let that coworker take the last cookie on the plate? Definitely not! Grab it and rub it all over your nose. Now, offer him and thump your chest like a gorilla! Don't be that nice girl that shares her lunch with everyone and is left hungry herself for no one to notice. Stop it immediately if this is all you’ve been doing your whole life! 

I say embrace your inner chimp – feed her and let her grow to her full size! All you need to learn is to be assertive especially while standing up for yourself when you’re insulted or disrespected. Step up! Protest! Be assertive! Be stubborn! Don’t apologize! Just be a plain chimp! Nothing more, nothing less!

One major quality of a chimp is being highly competitive in everything she does – she would even race up her lunch! If you show too much concern about winning, you’ll be termed as a chimp - because apparently only men have the right to compete, women can and must only collaborate. If you want to be taken seriously, you got to be chimpy! Nicety will take you nowhere! Being a chimp gives a clear and loud message – ‘don’t mess with me!’ - Saves you from a lot of worries!

I am not professing that we shouldn’t treat others well, or be selfish (all the time). We can still keep our kindness and thoughtfulness, but guard ourselves against being pushed around or used. And when you need to hiss... then hiss! Transform yourself into a snake – a cobra! A big black one with a history of biting people! And kill people who deserve to be killed! Suck the blood out of them – even the last drop of their filthy blood! 

And yes I preach chimpism - you've a problem? Get off my blog right now!! Shoo!! 

Here’s to me and my chimps!

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  1. hahaha i cant stop laughing.very witty and clever :)

  2. OMG this is hilarious and so beautiful, for the fact that i am a nice girl too and now ready to give up my nicety owing to people's meanness toward me over the years. love your blog <3

  3. Islamabad Diaries is a diary of a burgeoning feminist!


  4. This is a prevalent thing in the desi community. I used to be "nice" but I stopped giving two f*cks about conforming to cultural pressure and how I should act like to please others opinions. I guess you can call me a "chimp" too.

    1. Welcome to 'chimpism', as I call it :D
      Yes, it is mostly a part of the desi culture.. and it's sad to think how women over the ages have suffered due to this mentality. We need more chimps to change this forever!

  5. Love your writing style and in complete agreement with your thoughts expressed here. I also believe the our geographical location and the sheer number of people residing here naturally drive us to be a chimp, after all only the fittest survive!

    1. Rightly said! Being nice is equivalent to throwing yourself to snakes. So let's be a chimp! ;)