The Islamabad Diaries

 “You’re not a tree. So move; make something happen.”

-         Richelle E. Goodrich

Do you wake up every morning walking to the mirror shamefaced for losing another yesterday in pursuit of the petty, being neglectful towards creating the life you desire... to hold those stars, to climb that ladder, to atop that mountain? Do you think it's too late? Is it? We’ve only one life, one chance to make our dreams happen. Why do we think it’s too late while we are still breathing? What are we waiting for? Why the dilatory mode?

I didn’t quite try making changes to my life and routine very much until recently. Before that I just moved along in the same old rut, not unlike most of us. Of late, I have multiplied my effectiveness by adopting a more do-it-now approach and by simplifying my life and injecting a lot more life and activeness into my days in whatever way I could. So, what’s my point here? Well, you’re not stuck in the life you have now, even if it may feel that way. And I am sure it pretty much feels that way. 

Here is an alert - when the thought of improving your life strikes you, it will be put down due to a million reasons; the most common being the thought of the tardiness of the matter. So here is what will run inside your head ‘Ah! It is already too late…I had better started this much earlier in life… maybe when I was still a kid, or a teen or in my very early twenties. Or better off, if I had been born into the right set of circumstances straightaway as I stepped into this world, life would’ve been so easy peasy’. Alas for the talk inside our heads!! The simple truth is that it is never too late. No matter how old you are when you realize you want something, it often feels like the time has elapsed. You hook yourself on to a mental rerun of your past, wishing how you could've done certain things differently. It may feel like you squandered away the last so and so days, weeks, months or even years focusing on the wrong routine, the wrong person, the wrong job! Well, maybe you're right... but you can't really undo the past, unless you owned a time machine, which I highly doubt you do because if you did, you wouldn't be reading this, you would be time traveling, instead.

As I write this, I'm watching my all time favorite - You've Got Mail - and interestingly it's the scene where they play 'Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a day away'. When I say it is absolutely never too late, I hear you ask ‘how’? Well, you’ve tomorrow, that’s how! And hopefully the next day, and the day after that! And all these days to come promise you a future you wish to create for yourself… so it’s really your own choice!

Most of the times we tend to give too much power to people, wondering how ‘crazy’ they would think we are if we did what we wanted!! Trust me these people are as much concerned about what you might think of them as you are about them. Most certainly, they are also living stagnantly under unhappy circumstances hesitant to make changes. You be the go-getter!! The more you try to live differently, the more normal it'll begin to feel. ‘Crazy’ would then become an antithesis of the usual meaning of crazy for you. Crazy would suggest not creating the life you want, living stagnantly. Soon you’ll be wondering why so many people are working jobs that they dislike, stuck in relationships that serve no purpose, or fulfill obligations that don’t make them happy. Ask yourself one question - why on earth would you spend your one life that way?!?!

Don’t have enough in your pocket to pursue your dreams? (Neither do I!) Not enough time on your watch? You think that's a good excuse to keep you off from trying? In all honesty, if you want this bad enough, you can work through and find a way around to rid yourself of the obstacles. The fact is that there will be real limits in our lives and personal development isn't magic to take place overnight - it is slower and harder than our imagination. But, at least, you can do what you can with what you have where you are right now. The point is - it IS possible - no matter what your circumstances!

Whatever your age – 30, 45, 60, or 85 – it can never be too late, as long as you’re willing to make changes to your priorities, and making room for more meaning in your life. It sure isn’t easy; there will be struggles and serious setbacks. Embrace them! Eventually, you’ll reap the rewards.

So what is it that will truly make you happy? Traveling around? Writing a book? Getting involved in philanthropy? What's holding you back? Execute!! Don't just get stuck in planning or thinking... simply get the ball rolling!!!

“Writing is a terrible experience, during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay” 

– Flannery O’Connor

Preface: I love writing; it's like a release, an unexplainable feeling of freedom for me where I can get everything out and feel empowered. All I require to do is to catch the flow of my thoughts and let my fingers do the rest. However, there are two words that can stop me in my tracks!

Sometimes I wish it were an actual person that I could scream at. Disappearing words are its expertise; one minute my words are flowing like a stream, the next I am lost, struggling to finish a thought. And yes my enemy often comes up at the most inconvenient times; times when I really need to share my thoughts with the world.

It’s been  6 weeks straight that I am trying to write something, but all my attempts are flushed down the drain owing to this evil little companion of mine. During all these weeks, I have sat down at my computer at least a one-hundred times, I have written things (mostly shit) and deleted them right away, rolling my eyes to the heavens. I went through a list of topics that I wanted to write on… and I gave each one of these a shot but nothing, nothing, comes out! This couldn’t be me! I am better than this! What is happening? Is this the end for me? No God, no!! Why me? The feeling is similar to being all stifled with thoughts. It is as if I have a blocked nose that just won’t shift, even with one of those Vicks nasal sticks.

I often wake up in the middle of the nights in a nightmarish mode panicking at the thought of waking up one day only to find out that all words were gone. I have noticed that dreading the writer's block always gives me a painfully stubborn block! Once it hits me, I spend hours telling myself I would be able to write again, perhaps soon, this will be over, but this particular time, I see no signs of it withdrawing. At this moment, I can feel the words on my tongue-tip, however, I fail to get my brain send the words to my fingers to type. Is this really happening? 

I am waiting for that time when I can clear the cobwebs inside my head. I keep opening my cell phone's notes' option for scribbling down ideas that might hit me. Every day during my daily commute, I let the world be my inspiration. I look at things around to find ideas. But nothing… it is blank. I stare at the screen for hours and that peskily playful cursor remains in the same spot jeering at me with his plotted little act of disappearing and re-appearing on me. I hate the blank page. I hate the computer. I hate my fingers. I hate the inability to think or write about anything!

Writing is by far the most convenient way of clearing my head, framing ideas, and letting them free into the world. It often makes me feel like a princess of my own little kingdom where words dance on my pen (OKAY! my laptop keys) and I rule with the magic wand of my creativity. But what has come lately is pathetic, helpless. This princess has been cursed with this bugger! Who's the witch who sent this devil my way?

I think this evil companion has taken a fancy to me and does not want to leave my brain. Of course, I can't blame him. But, I think we have had enough of playing around this time! I wish to murder the blockhead!

Right now I have forced myself to write. I pushed out the words hidden under the piles of tax files inside my pretty little head (all covered with my well straightened hair and a little snowfall of dandruff). What has come out right here, may not sound as good as my usual piece of writing but I feel like the cogs are turning, bringing me back into the swing of things. I feel freer, the words are flowing…as if water gushing through rocks, after they've been removed with the force of a powerful flood.

Did I just kick the rascal away?