Up for Some Gossip?
Friday, July 14, 2017
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'All literature is gossip'.
- Truman
Capote
I feel bemused, when during a flight, a
woman sitting on my left, my fairly 'new friend', leans in and tells me how
sick she is of all the people in her life. I nod my head in sympathy, while my
new friend goes on to narrate all of her in-laws' habits that sicken her. The
list is endless. Meanwhile the flight stewards serve us food; she picks up her
fork and looks at me. In her eyes, I see her saying, 'It's your turn to share'.
I know there is still an hour for the flight to end so there is no way for me
to get away with this (unless I take a shot at jumping off the plane). She awaits for me to pull a personal issue out of my pocket and
put it on her tray table. This reminds me of a scene from The Silence of
the Lambs in which Hannibal whispers to Clarice, 'Quid pro quo. I tell you things, you tell me things.' Understandably, the red curtain has opened with me in the spotlight - it's my turn to talk. Darn it!
Trading intimacies and confidences is
the wampum of human relationships. We habitually cook and exchange sizzling and
exciting stories of people around the water cooler; oh, so a colleague got a bonus... and why wouldn't that ugly duckling?
She is the boss' favorite! We mercilessly resurface rumors about people the
second they exit the room. Ah, the pleasure in gossiping! Some snide remarks
shared with our confidantes can lead to such an emotional uplift, right? We all
have, at one point or another, loved saying mean things about other
people. Haven't we?
We are all mindful of the fact that
gossips are as honest-to-goodness as the tooth fairies, yet this does not deter us from
wallowing in them. We indulge in this guilty pleasure so frequently we even
fail to notice how often it pervades the words we speak. Yes, each one of us
knows talking behind peoples' back is immoral, yet, why we engage in these wicked, but oh-so-amusing little
betrayals with such fervency? Is it the sense of self-satisfaction received through this behavior that pushes us to luxuriate in it? Why is our appetite for gossip insatiable?
This favorite pastime of ours is a surreptitious,
feckless behavior. Ah! Yet it’s also a succulent, beguiling temptation, which
fulfills our desire to be a part of the 'in crowd'. The gossiper is sending an
underlying message, suggesting that the person being gossiped to is more valuable
to them than the one being gossiped about. Here the pleasurable act of
gossiping is encouraging social bonding which is based on 'sharing a little
secret'. When two people speak ill of a third person, they are actually
displaying their common moral standards and identical sense of humor. Add to that the
titillation of transgression! And so the tale of two friends begins, with
shared dislikes! Thank you for taking me
in for a friend, I love to bitch about whom you love to bitch about as well. We're so much alike...awww!!!
Gossiping also tends to build a sense
of self-importance and superiority for the gossiper. How do people with negative self-concept and low
self-esteem survive? By speaking negative about others! A gossipmonger is (supposedly)
privy to details that others are not, elevating them in status. The moment
you realize the listener is enthralled by the gossipy scoop, you feel like your
purpose of life is served. The gossiper delights bathing under the sunshine of
attention; they feel good, really good!
People also gossip because they are
drawn toward the desire of comparing themselves and their lives to others, and
this ultimately leads to self-projection. Someone may talk about another’s
decision of career choice or marriage, for instance. In that critique, the gossip monger
may be projecting feelings they have about their own decisions onto someone
else. It’s an indirect way of speaking well of yourself, your decisions and
your choices. It is a classic example of loud thinking without even having
to bear the brunt of it.
Think of any gossip-lover you know!
Now, think of one quality that makes them interesting! Ah! Lost you there,
right? Most of these gossipers lack the knack of generating absorbing discussions. So, they rely heavily on discussing other people because gossips
can easily rouse people's interests. Why, you ask? Because gossips are
generally fun! (Of course, only when they're about someone other than your
good, neat self!).
Gossipers are also among those who get frustrated and angry at others but lack the courage of showing it to their face, so they procure retributive justice with belittling comments, instead. It is a way to get
back at the object of their anger. And it could prove to be very
effective!
Do
you envy how she is appreciated and praised by everyone? Knock! Knock! Do I see
smoke coming out of your chest? Do I smell burning? Somebody call the ambulance, please! Oh! That's just jealousy? Are you finding a
way to feel better? Well, a few hurtful remarks about her wouldn't send you to
hell, hmm? Gossiping is soothing and comforting
when targeted toward somebody you're jealous of. No kidding! And stop acting as
if you've never tried it. This has to be the most common factor of all.
Most people have a powerful drive, a
natural curiosity to snoop into other's lives. Gossip is one way to satisfy
that wild desire, which makes your stomach growl. So, you've updates on her relationship status? Yummy!!! God, am I
excited! Look at the excitement glow on my chubby pink cheeks! Can't hold
it anymore...spill the beans, already. I feel like the very invention
of theater, literature is based on the human love for gossip. Isn't it fun
prying into people's lives, even if they're fictitious characters with no real existence?
The habit of gossip creates an
unpleasant veneer of incredulity and reveals your insecurities. So, you don't like somebody because they've
a pretty face? Hmmm... speaks volume about how you rate your own looks! You
may end up losing relations, feeling lonely and winning a reputation of a loser,
if you keep this routine up and going. Who wants that? Raise up your hands, please! I
see none! In which case, I would suggest we better avoid being a part of the
gossip mafia.
Here is to those who have gossiped about us and those who have ever been our tasty menu for gossips! I think we are equal now - so, let's call it quits!
Here is to those who have gossiped about us and those who have ever been our tasty menu for gossips! I think we are equal now - so, let's call it quits!
32 comments
Completely agree that gossiping can damage relations as well as show the true colours of a person. Only unhappy people gossip in order to make themselves feel better. Live a gossip free life and you'll be fine. Love the way this is written.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the comment :) Yes, those who are sad and unsatisfied with their own lives love to indulge in this behavior. Hope sanity prevails and people start realizing how bad it could be.
DeleteYou sure nailed with this! Gossip causes pain for the one being gossiped about, but it also has a negative impact on the person doing the negative talk. They are certainly not fostering positive feelings or relationships, just the opposite in fact.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sandy :) It sure has negative implications for both the parties, but sadly backbiters don't see that aspect of it. They find it fun, for some reason.
DeleteThis was spot on. I never considered how the gossiper feels when they gossip. It makes them feel more powerful and important. It gives me some insight on how to handle certain gossipers in my office, instead of engaging with them. Super helpful, thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Chevelle. I am glad you found this helpful. Yes! It is a driving factor for the gossipers - feeling powerful and controlling. Now that you know what goes inside their head while indulging in this behavior, hope you can now deal with the gossipers at your workplace in a smarter way :)
DeleteSOmetimes we are more honest with strangers than we are with our friends.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree... it's the fear of judgement that makes us fearful with friends at times. We don't care what strangers think of us!
DeleteGossip can bring damage for both parties, and it is sounds negative when you heard GOSSIP. So, as much as I can, I didn't do negative talk to another person.
ReplyDeleteThat's good, Sylvia :) It should be always avoided. Negative talk can only do damage, no good can ever come out of it !
DeleteOne should never entertain gossips, they bring damage to the person involved. Honesty is still the best policy
ReplyDeleteI totally agree - if a person has issues with someone, they should speak up on their face instead of backbiting about them.
DeleteExactly! Gossip is good for no one.
ReplyDeleteOh yes !!! :)
DeleteGossiping is one thing that I do not do. Being the brunt of many a joke at school, I know the feeling of being brought down gossip!
ReplyDeletePeople gossip about everyone, trust me... it isn't just you or me. But yes, those among us are better human beings who avoid indulging in this awful behavior.
DeleteGossiping is something that I think everyone has partaken on. It's a horrible natural instinct... almost. It says a lot about your character.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think nobody could rightly say they've never done it. It becomes natural when we make it a habit. At one point, the gossiper even stops realizing how it permeates their conversations and actions.
DeleteYeah, I've learned time and time again not to entertain gossip. Does nothing positive in the long run (or short)
ReplyDeleteI guess I have learned the same thing too - the best solution is to avoid gossip-lovers at all costs!
DeleteA very good piece of writing Amna...keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Fatima. And please come again to read more !! :)
DeletePeople will be people!
ReplyDeleteAlways !
DeleteThis is SPOT ON. I hate gossip. I have seen so much damaged caused by it. I feel it is a true reflection of that person. I have actually stopped people mid sentence and told they "Stop the gossip"! if they will talk about someone TO you...they will talk to someone ABOUT you.
ReplyDeletevery rightly pointed out.. You can never trust a gossiper. They have it in their nature to gossip just about everyone. So, better stay miles away if you smell them !!!
DeleteGossip is never a good thing. If one has a question about something they need to ask the source and not just talk behind their back.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. First thing first, we shouldn't be curious to know what's happening in people's life, but in case there is something which directly affects us or is connected to us somehow, then yes in that case, it is better to speak to the concerned person downright, instead of talking behind their back. Well said, doc :)
Deletei like everything on your blog...Nice post...
ReplyDeleteThank you, Zaynab :)
Deletevisit first time on this post and really good post.. good work
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rihana :)
Delete