The Curious Case of Love
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
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“I love you without knowing how, or when, or
from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this
way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is
no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that
when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda
Preface: This post is dedicated to friends/readers who have been
constantly asking me to do a post on love and relationships. I thought what
could be better than to startup with the topic that digs out the way we view
and feel love. This post is strictly about romantic love; I will do another on
platonic sometime soon. Know that I am no expert. I must also confess that this
has to be one of my most well researched posts so far. I had to go through
extensive reading to get a hang of it. Therefore, any references to a study or
a research are not made-up. However, I did not wish the blog post to read as an
academic essay, thus, no clear references cited; only where required. What is
coming up ahead is just a random take from the research.
Some people describe it as having a unique sensation at the pit of
their stomach or skipping a heartbeat or having a restless feeling. You must
have also come across expressions like anything
is fair in love and war. Such is the intensity as to compare it with a war.
What is all this hue and cry about? Is love about the heart, the mind, or the
hormones? Does love at first sight has an existence or is it just Hollywood
conjured-up? What does it mean when we say 'chemistry between the two people'
or 'the spark' and 'the click' - is it existential? Or can we create it? Who
are soul mates? Psychologists have given fascinating insights into the realm of
love.
To get satisfactory answers to each of these questions will be
impossible since these are the heart's deepest secrets and may vary from case
to case. Matters of love have forever been the most highlighted theme in the
works of sculpture, arts and literature, music, painting, poetry and dance. It
has fascinated mankind since the beginning of times; be it the first ever
homicide or the longest war in history; love has ever been a conquering
subject. This 'magical' experience is a work of mixture of biology, upbringing
and context, according to psychologists. So, it may not purely be the work of
destiny.
It is said that love is a mystery, however, certain factors
underlying at the sub-conscious level may trigger the feeling, and therefore
the element of mystery seems predominant.
One of the most vital of all factors is the factor of 'similar
being'. We often start friendships (that may later develop into love) through
the understanding that the other person shares some or most of our beliefs,
habits, and interests. Who are you most comfortable with? For me, the answer
would be 'me'. I can tell myself anything I want; I don't have to be someone
else when I am with me. This comfort of 'me' gives way to the urge to be with
someone who is like 'me', so that I can be comfortable and be 'me'. It also
links to self-obsession; our love for ourselves makes us fall only for those
who are like us in a way or the other. So, the cliché that opposites attract is totally off. Sharing similarities
make it easier for partners to understand each other and therefore, they are
more likely to build up a bond.
When the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the
chemistry of another, it would continually combust throughout the period of
togetherness; keeping both bonded and satisfied even during dry spells when
feelings of romance are low.
Another important factor in sweeping
you off your feet could be
'reciprocal feelings' - we have the urge to feel wanted. We are more easily
drawn toward people, who like us back - we find in it a significant opportunity
for self-expansion and feel a surge of exhilaration. And there you go and lose
yourself in the madness pool! Unrequited love is not what most of us wish for.
That X-factor is a vital ingredient in helping us have that
bonding experience with someone. My friend often terms it as 'a kick' !!! We
tend to be more attracted to those having special characteristics that we
cannot even point out but just feel. So we often hear our love-drenched friend
say, 'Ah ! I love him but I don't know why.' And we all go gaga thinking the
friend is experiencing something truly magical.
Psychologists claim that readiness plays a crucial role in putting
us under the romantic rapture. A perfect partner can be sitting right next to
you at a party, but they might just go unnoticed - maybe because you are too
busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship, or otherwise preoccupied. But
if you’ve just moved to a new place, recovered from a failed love affair, are
well settled in career, are suffering through a hard experience, or have a good
deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love. Take a dip, my friend !!!
There was a rom-com I saw in which Anna Kendrick keeps a mental
checklist of the kind of guy she wants to marry, and every time she meets a
guy, she takes a quick mental note to see if he befits her checklist (sorry but
I am not so good with remembering movies' names, otherwise would have
mentioned). I believe we all have a checklist in our minds; a criteria that a
person has to meet in order for us to fall in love with them. If somebody
doesn't fulfill the criteria, they are subconsciously disqualified to be a
potential love interest. People are usually unaware of their subconscious
and that is why they describe love as a mystery following no rules. Turns out,
love isn't really blind after all. The cupid is not blindfolded; he has eyes
and the arrow is hit well planned!
On love at first sight, most psychologists state that it is a
possible phenomenon. As soon as we see someone who fits our subconscious criteria,
we fall for them at first sight. I have often heard people use the expression
'She/he had me at hello!' - Ah ! All under the love spell! If looks occupy the
major portion of your criteria, then you are more prone to fall in love at
first sight. Thus, the love-sick is mostly a gentleman here!!!
Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and
beauty—Women are attracted to mates with money, status, and ambition. The feeling of falling head-over-heels
gives most of us the comfort of attachment, feeling of security and settlement
that we all crave for in our lives.
If love is such a mechanical and charted out thing, then why do
some people never recover from breakups? Maybe some people tend to think that
there is only one match that fits their criteria, and lose hope of meeting
another. Or maybe it is just a part of the mystery. Maybe after all, it isn't
as cooked-up as psychologists have made us believe.
The topic of exploring love (and just the meaning itself) is very
vast and cannot be squeezed in a nutshell. This is just an attempt to respond
to my readers' request. May cupid hit you all !!
Yours truly, madly, deeply !!!
10 comments
Wah what a tremendous piece of writing.. Clappings
ReplyDeleteSuch great research and amazing analysis. I'm so impressed.
ReplyDeleteImpressed and inspired by your prolific writing
ReplyDeleteYet another great one. Amazing flow :)
ReplyDeleteI wish you had avoided research for the topic.
ReplyDeleteThe portions where you're showing in this blog are the best like the paragraph starting with "One of the most vital ...."
Experience of love is unique to everyone.
So if we share how WE feel about it would be more original I guess 😊
In my view, love has to be unconditional, a total surrender may it even be unrequited.
Keep up 👍👍
Thank you for sharing your opinion, sir :) I do agree with you..however, I was purposely looking to keep it a little subtle. So I thought some research wouldn't hurt but as you pointed out, I too like those portions best in the write up that portray my experience or observation. Thank you for reading !
DeleteQuite a rational approach towards love. The write up is simply immaculate. However, the views could be discussed and deliberated upon since the experience of 'Love' is relative to each individual. Enjoyed reading the piece!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. This was based largely on what I took from the research. I do agree with you on love having different meanings for everyone, based on their experiences and observations. I think I need to do a part 2 to this post to cover that. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteLove is quite an intriguing affair of both heart and mind carrying the baggage of ephemeral emotions . For me it is more a fantasy than a reality . Well fabricated . Bravo
ReplyDeleteYes, more of a fantasy than a reality and a little overrated LOL...thank you for reading and appreciating!
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